Stop the fighting — conflict resolution starts NOW

If you’ve ever been trapped between your kids arguing over whose turn it is with the iPad, while anxiously grinding your teeth and wishing they would just work this stuff out on their own — you’re not wrong.

They should be.

No matter how old your kid is, if the question is “when is the right time to introduce conflict resolution tactics?”, the answer is — NOW.

You can’t always be there to mitigate every disagreement your kid has, be it with siblings, friends, teachers, teammates, even boyfriends/girlfriends (if you’ve got a teen on your hands).

Here are three simple tactics that parents can use to equip their kids with the tools to solve problems on their own.

1. The “pause and think” rule 🤔

The first thing kids need to learn is to hit pause before they hit someone with an insult (or worse). 

Teaching your kid to take a breather when things start heating up gives them a chance to calm down and think instead of reacting. This could mean counting to ten, stepping away for five minutes, or just taking a deep breath.

The key here is to make this second-nature. 

Anytime you see things escalating, remind them to pause. After a while, they’ll start using the technique without your nagging — and maybe even avoid turning minor disagreements into full-blown battles.

2. Express — don’t explode 🧨

You know what never helps resolve a conflict? Yelling. 🙄

But kids don’t always realize that their emotional explosions make things worse. 

So, here’s where you come in. Show them how to talk about what’s bothering them without setting the room on fire.

Encourage them to use “I” statements — like “I feel frustrated when…” — instead of pointing fingers. 

It’s a lot harder for the other person to get defensive when they aren’t being accused of world-ending crimes like stealing the TV remote. 

3. Just listen 👂

Listening is freaking hard.

I’ve published two articles on this in recent weeks:

• Teach your kid to stop responding — and start understanding

• Empathy is so much more than just being nice

Most kids think listening means waiting for their turn to speak.

But teaching them to actively listen is half the battle in conflict resolution. 

When kids actually understand the other side of the story, they’re more likely to talk through the conflict and find some common ground.

You can practice this at home by having them repeat what the other person said before responding. 

It might sound robotic at first, but this trick trains them to listen instead of mentally preparing their rebuttal while the other person’s still talking.

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The takeaway here is to give kids the tools to solve their own problems — then step back and let them use them.

From sibling squabbles, to friendship fallouts, if your kid can excel in conflict resolution early in life, there will be no stopping them as they cruise into adulthood.