3 keys to building trust with your kids

LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman famously said that the formula for earning trust is simple:

So what does that mean exactly?

If you consistently do the things you say you’re going to do, over enough time, you will establish a reliable framework for your kid’s expectations.

That’s good, right? Trust compounds. 👊

Unfortunately, distrust also compounds. 😬

And there’s a whole lotta nuance missing from this formula.

So today, we’re going to dive into a few tactical ways you can build lasting trust with your kids.

Listen. I mean really listen.

Active listening is really freaking hard.

Most of us struggle with it.

Here are a few ways you can nail active listening:

🪞 Reflect back: Paraphrase what your kid has said to show you understand, or try the mirroring technique.

❓ Ask open-ended questions: Encourage them to share more about their thoughts and feelings, and don’t jump right in with your response. Always pause. They’ll usually spill even more.

🤐 Avoid interruptions: Let them speak without cutting them off or rushing to solve their problems.

👀 Maintain eye contact: This non-verbal cue shows you're focused and interested.

🫶 Use encouraging body language: Nodding or leaning in slightly can signal that you're engaged and supportive.

Try practicing with adults, like your spouse or friends, and ask for feedback. Active listening is like a muscle — the more you work it, the more you’ll improve.

‘Fess up and admit your mistakes.

Nobody is perfect. 🤷

So when you (inevitably) make a mistake, admit it. This is like a trust fastpass for your kids.

Bonus — it also teaches humility and honesty.

Mistake transparency creates an environment where kids feel secure to express themselves and own up to their mistakes too. 

By admitting to your boo boos, you’re modeling how to handle errors constructively, teaching your kids to approach their missteps with honesty and humility, rather than fear and avoidance. 

Respect their privacy

Trust goes both ways.

If you want your kid to trust you, you gotta show that you trust them. One of the best ways to demonstrate this is to respect their privacy:

🚪 Knock before entering their room: This simple act acknowledges their space and autonomy.

🗣️ Don’t pry into their conversations: Unless there's a concern for their safety, allow them private conversations with friends.

📲 Ask permission before sharing their photos online: This teaches consent and respects their digital presence.

🧠 Allow them to make private decisions when appropriate: This includes letting them choose their own clothing, hobbies, and friends, which fosters independence and self-confidence.

🛀 Respect their need for alone time: Recognize that your kid needs time to themselves to relax, think, or simply unwind.

These actions reinforce the idea that you trust and value their independence, fostering a stronger, more respectful relationship.