Just hear your kid out...

One of the biggest traps adults fall into is dismissing kids’ feelings — thinking we’re being helpful. 

“This won’t matter a year from now,” we say, convinced that telling them that their current crisis shouldn’t worry them is (somehow) comforting. 

Spoiler: It’s not. And it’s actually harming them.

Your kid’s world is just as real as yours. They may not have the perspective you have, but minimizing the legitimacy of their feelings is setting them to question themselves and their decisions — and not in a healthy “curious” way.

So, how do you validate your kid’s feelings while also preventing them from spiraling over every minor hiccup? 

Here are three tactics to help you strike that balance — backed by science, of course. 👇

1. Don’t try to fix it — just listen

This one’s hard. 

As humans, we’ve been trained to be solution machines. 🤖

The minute our kid comes to us in tears about the best friend who didn’t save them a seat at lunch, our knee-jerk response is, “Don’t worry about it, make new friends.” 

But let’s pause. To your kid, this is huge. Dismissing it only invalidates their experience. 

Instead, try this: “That sounds really tough. I get why you’d feel hurt.” 

See? No need to fix anything, just acknowledge their feelings.

The work of child psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, shows that emotional validation strengthens trust and makes kids feel safe sharing with you. 

Pro tip: Avoid phrases like “it’s not a big deal” or “you’ll be fine” — they're validation kryptonite. ❌

2. Name the feeling and give it space

Sometimes kids can’t quite pinpoint what they’re feeling — which is where you come in. 

After they share what’s bothering them, say something like, “It sounds like you’re feeling left out because your friend didn’t invite you. Is that right?” 

You’re giving them the words they need, while also showing that their feelings matter.

According to Dr. Dan Siegel, author of The Whole-Brain Child, naming the emotion actually helps soothe the brain.

Once a feeling is recognized and given a name, it doesn’t feel as overwhelming. 

When you name it, you tame it.

3. Reframe — don’t dismiss

Let’s say your teen is upset because they didn’t get invited to a party. 

Instead of saying, “There will be other parties,” try something like, “I know it hurts to be left out. It doesn’t feel good at all. But think of it this way — it’s their loss, because you’re a blast to be around.”

The key here is acknowledging their pain while also helping them gain a little perspective. 

You’re not brushing off their feelings, but you’re showing them that a single moment doesn’t define them. 

A gentle reframe keeps their feelings valid while encouraging resilience.

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Validating your kid’s feelings doesn’t mean you have to agree with every sob story they tell. It’s about letting them know their emotions are real and important, even if the bigger picture tells you otherwise. 

And when you validate their feelings, you’re giving them the tools they need to become emotionally intelligent adults.

Plus, it means you’ll probably hear fewer dramatic “You just don’t get it!” speeches. And isn’t that a win for everyone? 🤷