The most important conversation your kid will ever have

“I thought I was dumb. I was a nobody. I was a loser.”

David Goggins grew up in severe poverty. At home, he endured abuse at the hand of his father. At school, he was racially bullied.

In his early 20s, he had asthma, a learning disability, a stutter, and frankly, a life that he was completely and utterly unhappy with.

Then one night, he saw a show on the Discovery Channel about Navy SEAL “Hell Week”, and he decided to become a SEAL.

What followed is an incredible story of grit and human endurance with one simple fundamental lesson: “The most important conversation you’ll ever have is the conversation you have with yourself.”

So you better make it a good one.

Let’s unpack that lesson for your kid.

Why does self-talk matter so much?

The first step is understanding the impact of self-talk. 

Research in child development shows that kids who practice positive self-talk, particularly around effort rather than innate ability, can significantly boost their academic performance, especially in subjects like math. 

This is especially true for kids who might struggle with self-confidence. Phrases like “I will do my very best” can pivot a child’s approach from fixed mindset to a growth mindset.

👉 Fixed Mindset — "I'm not good at this"

👉 Growth Mindset — "I can get better with effort”

Effort-focused self-talk encourages perseverance over perfection, a super important factor in both academic and personal growth​.

So how do you do this?

🙊 Model it: Kids will mimic your behavior (so you better watch your mouth 😳).  You can model positive self-talk by handling your setbacks with optimism and viewing your own challenges as opportunities for growth.

❤️ Be kind: Everyone makes mistakes and it's okay to not be perfect. Encouraging your kids to treat themselves with the same kindness they would offer a friend can boost their inner dialogue​.

🧘 Go zen: Help your kid become aware of how they talk to themselves by introducing mindfulness practices. These can include breathing exercises or guided meditations aimed at helping them observe their thoughts without judgment. This awareness can make it easier for them to identify and fix negative thought patterns.

👏 Use affirmations: It may sound a little hokey, but positive affirmations can reinforce self-worth and capabilities. Help your kid create a list of affirmations they can repeat daily, like “I am capable”, “I can learn from my mistakes, or “I am a good friend.”

✅ Validate: If kids don’t feel like their emotions are valid, they’ll start lying to themselves — which is not only unhealthy, it can be incredibly destructive.

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Chances are, your kid isn’t facing the same level of adversity as David Goggins. So if they can adopt even a fraction of his self-talk ability, they’ll be unstoppable.

Let's raise kids who are not just smart or talented — let’s make ‘em resilient, confident, and ready to take on the world. 🌎