What to do when your kid has no direction

This email goes out to the 31% of parents who said their kid’s biggest struggle is not having direction or any meaningful interests in our poll!

One parent said, “My son is a senior and has no ambition or passion for extracurricular activities, hobbies, etc. He has no idea what he wants to do after graduation. This, combined with a lack of focus and discipline (his very close 2nd struggle), makes it very difficult to motivate him.”

According to our poll, this is the biggest challenge parents in our community are facing right now — so in this issue of the Prequel newsletter, I’ll be covering:

• How to help kids discover their interests — even when all they seem to want to do is look at Instagram or play video games.

• How to help kids nurture their interests — even when they always want to quit as soon as things get challenging.

• How to get kids real-world experience so they can earn big opportunities — even when their interests don’t seem particularly impressive or connected to a specific career path.

💡 How to help your kid discover their interests

The role of parents is to be students of their children — observing them closely for those little sparks of interest, and then doing everything possible to NOT extinguish that spark!

Think about a time in the past when your kid showed interest in something. How did you handle it?

Did you help them dive deeper — either by getting them a book on the subject, helping them join an organization, or signing them up for a class?

Or did you dissuade them from diving deeper, either to protect them from failure or because you wanted to steer them in a different direction?

If you chose the latter, you’re not alone. Maybe you’re doing this because you want to protect your kids from failure, or because you want them to focus on interests that will impress colleges. But when your kids express interest in something and don’t receive your support, you can unintentionally stamp out their excitement.

The thing is, you have no idea where following one interest could take your kid until it happens. A seemingly random interest can lead to incredible opportunities.

Now you might be thinking, “Hey Ivy! I am open to letting my kids do whatever they want to do! They still don’t have any interests!” Here’s what to do:

1. Expose your kids to as many different things as possible to see what sticks.

2. Don’t let them spend all their free time on their phone. Sign them up for a day-long workshop or an after-school program — anything to get them out in the world trying something new.

3. Make it a requirement that your kids have to do one activity per season, but let them choose what that activity is. That way, they get to exercise some autonomy over their time, while still being required to get out there and try something.

But even if it doesn’t seem like it, odds are that your kid does have interests in something… they just need to go deeper with it. For now, try to notice — where do your kids spend most of their time? On their phones? Watching YouTube? Playing video games.

The key is not to force your kids to do what you want them to. Instead, take notice of when they’re doing something they love. That’s a sure sign of something they’re interested in. The next step is to help them go deeper and turn their interest into a passion.

How to help your kid nurture their interests

If you say your kids don’t have interests because, say, they spend all their time on their phone or computer, then ask them what they like about the apps or sites they use. Use their obsession with screen time to start getting hints at things they might be interested in.

If they love comedy on TikTok, they can try going to comedy open mics, developing their own video skits, or studying famous comedians.

If they love watching makeup videos on YouTube, they can research celebrity makeup artists, learn how to do special effects makeup for student films, or start their own channel.

If they love playing video games, they can learn to code their own games, research how to use AI to create 3D animations, or go intern for a game developer.

When you stay open to the idea that any interest counts, and actively encourage each one, your kid may just surprise you by showing that they have tons of great interests.

And once your kids have found their interests, it’s time to be the parent who tells them to think bigger and be more ambitious.

If they want to get 1000 TikTok followers, tell them they can get 100,000.

If they want to teach their next-door neighbors to play tennis, tell them they could start their own tennis coaching business.

Kids rise to the occasion and meet the expectations they’re given. So give them a high bar to reach.

Now, not every interest is going to lead to a life-long passion or career path. And letting kids sample lots of different things is really important.

So how do you know what to encourage your kids to stick to, and what to let them quit? The key: you won’t know WHAT they shouldn’t quit. The only thing you’ll know is WHEN they shouldn’t quit.

If they’re truly miserable and they hate this activity and they’ve never once enjoyed it, let them quit! By all means!

But if they loved it for the first 30 days and now they hate it because it’s hard, don’t let them quit just yet. Make them persist.

Or maybe they loved it until their friend made fun of them for it, and now they hate it because they think it’s dumb. Don’t let them quit (and find them new friends who get it).

In short, don’t let them quit unless they’re proud, they’ve learned something, or they know what they want to try next.

How to get kids real-world experience so they can earn big opportunities

The main reason parents feel concerned about their kids’ lack of direction is because they know that when their kids go out into the real world, not having direction will cause them to fail (or flail) until they find something to do.

We all know that the real world can be unforgiving. But the answer here is not to panic. It’s to let our kids experience the terrifying real world sooner.

And this is where it’s key to not underestimate our kids. There is no reason why a kid can’t get an internship, start a business, or do something exceptional that we usually assume only adults are capable of.

That’s why we feature so many amazing kids in our newsletter who’ve accomplished incredible things at a young age — if you need more examples, check out our recent piece on how kids can do anything (and how to help them believe in themselves).

Childhood is a relatively safe period of life — it’s the perfect time to try new things, make mistakes, and learn.

And the sooner kids get to explore their interests in the real world, the sooner they’ll know what things they do that are just hobbies and what could become their college major or career path.

Thanks for reading!

Until next time,

Ivy

CEO Prequel, BETA Camp, Apollo

Follow my journey on LinkedIn