The science of grit

It takes the average T20 college applicant 30-50 hours to write an admissions essay.

And, like this newsletter, most of that time is not actually spent writing.

It’s spent:

• Wondering what to write about

• Wandering down rabbit holes

• Wondering what to write about — some more

I’ve studied tactics from superstar writers, college essay advisors, and award-winning storytellers, and developed a quick-start method that takes students from a blank page to a successful essay in half the time.

I tried it out on some super busy high school seniors, and they got into schools like UC Berkeley, Cornell, and Columbia. No biggie. 😉

So I’m running a bootcamp starting Oct 28. If your student is struggling with crafting a winning college essay, join me, and we’ll solve that problem in a week!

Spaces are limited – learn more here 👇

PS: Overcoming challenges (like writing college essays) are the key to developing lasting confidence — which is the topic of today’s newsletter.

Tough times don’t last – tough people do

David Goggins hated the cards he’d been dealt. 

By his early 20s, he’d survived an abusive parent, lost loved ones, and developed asthma, a learning disability, and a stutter.

Fast forward to today, and David:

👟 Ran the equivalent of 267 marathons in a single year.

🚴 Completed over 60 ultra-marathons, triathlons, and ultra-triathlons.

🇺🇲 Became the only member of the US armed forces to complete Navy SEAL training, US Army Ranger School, and Air Force Tactical Air Controller training.

Why was David able to do so well in the face of hardship? 

What makes some people persist and others give up?

Turns out, science has the answer. 👇

Mental toughness: the mindset that thrives in adversity

Mental toughness is what sets people like David apart. 

“The definition of mental toughness varies depending on who you ask, but one commonality is that it’s the ability to endure,” says Polina Pompliano, author of Hidden Genius. 

According to Polina, mental toughness gives you the ability to withstand:

• Pain 🤕

• Discomfort 🥴

• Uncertainty 🤔

And the benefits are both physical and psychological. 

🧠 According to this review, people with mental toughness:

• Have better coping strategies

• See stressful situations as opportunities for growth

• Proactively seek out opportunities to challenge themselves

As parents, our tendency is to shield our kids from difficulty or pain. 

That’s totally reasonable – we love ‘em!

But challenges are an unavoidable part of the human experience, and it’s important that kids develop the skills to cope.

“Those with lower mental toughness were found to perform less well following negative feedback than those with higher mental toughness,” says one study.

So how do we help kids build their mental toughness while still providing them with care and support?

Today’s email is brought to you by Apollo: 

Apply for enrollment in the November cohort, spaces are limited.

How to raise kids who are mentally tough

Luckily, mental toughness is a skill that can be developed over time. 💪

Here’s how to teach it to your kids:

1. Manufacture hardship.

“Manufacturing hardship is key to developing lasting mental toughness,” says Polina. “It happens when you regularly stress-test yourself by intentionally introducing hardship into your everyday life.”

In other words, to get better at handling challenges, our kids must regularly challenge themselves — on purpose. 

David Goggins started by making a list of things he didn’t want to do…

And then he started doing the things on the list. 

Building mental toughness gave David a new identity, from which he found new self-esteem.

Try having them your kids:

• Pick up a new sport

• Learn to play an instrument

• Sign up for a challenging class at school

The key is to make sure they stay consistent, even when they don’t feel like practicing. They’ll grow from overcoming the challenge.

2. Track your growth over time.

Another term for mental toughness is what Angela Duckworth calls grit: 

Sounds pretty great — but how can you help your kids become more gritty?

Multiple studies have shown that tracking your progress can help you achieve your goals.

But when your goal is something intangible, like building mental toughness, it can be difficult to determine whether you’ve been successful or not.

That’s why Angela created a numeric grit scale that can help your kids self-assess how gritty they are.

This allows them to measure their progress over time 👇️ 

• Have your kids self-assess now.

• In a few months, have them do it again.

• Let them see how much they’ve improved.

Seeing tangible improvements in their mindset will encourage them to keep going.

3. Cut out the self-sabotage.

When your kids face a challenge, they might end up self-sabotaging. 

How do you know when your kids are self-sabotaging? Here are the sneaky signs:

• They’re avoiding doing the things they know they should

• They’re blaming outside forces for why they can’t achieve their goals

• They suddenly stop wanting to do something they used to love doing, without any reasonable explanation

Brianna Wiest, author of The Mountain is You, says we self-sabotage in order to avoid discomfort.

Chances are, they’re just heading outside of their comfort zone. This is a good thing, but it doesn’t always feel like a good thing.

So if your kids are self-sabotaging, how can you help them get comfortable being uncomfortable?

Brianna says you must address the root of your kid’s discomfort.

❓Ask them:

• What are you afraid of?

• What discomfort are you avoiding?

Maybe your kid missed an easy pitch at their last game and they’re feeling afraid of it happening again. 

Run through that worst-case scenario. If their fear came true, what would they do? 

Help your kid realize that they have a choice about how they react to this fear. 

👉 Sure, they can let it make them quit softball so they never have that experience again.

👉 Or, they can practice harder and improve their skills, so that next time they step onto the field, they’re prepared to do better.

What kind of person does your kid want to be? The one that quits, or the one that keeps going?

We can raise kids who let adversity scare them, defeat them, or make them feel like the world is against them.

Or we can raise kids who take adversity in stride, use it as fuel, and grow stronger from it. 🌟

Until next time,

Ivy

CEO Prequel, BETA Camp, Apollo

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