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Advice for helping your kid navigate romance (from experts that aren’t me)
Ivy Xu
February 13, 2024
From their first crush, until the day they get married, preparing your kid for a healthy romantic life probably feels — terrifying.
And it can certainly be an awkward subject. 😬
This isn’t the kind of topic we typically tackle here at Prequel (and I’m no expert), but in honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I’d share three tactics from top psychologists on how to help your kid traverse love’s rocky landscape. ❤️
Don’t I know it. Source: Giphy
Here’s what I found:
1. Don’t invalidate their emotions
You know that the boy who just broke up with your 14-year-old daughter is a schmuck, and she should be glad to be rid of him.
But she’s not.
She’s devastated.
And you telling her that she should feel happy rather than upset won’t help — it will just make things worse.
“If children grow up without feeling their emotions validated, including negative emotions, it can lead kids to not trust their feelings, not know that they’re valid, and not know and not realize that there’s a difference between how you feel and what you do with your body.”
2. Teach consent and respect
For kids (and, um, everyone really), understanding and respecting boundaries is crucial.
Psychological research emphasizes that early education on consent plays a key role in developing respectful and safe interpersonal relationships.
Christine Babinec, clinical counselor and author of Want a Hug?: Consent and Boundaries for Kids, reminds us that “consent and boundaries are the foundations of all healthy relationships.”
Christine recommends these five tactics:
Ask questions about your kid’s comfort.
Teach your kid that they can show affection without physical contact.
Practice communicating their preferences with friends and family.
Prepare the adults in your kid’s life to ask before a hug, wait for a response, affirm the answer, and respect it.
Have your kid’s back — don’t apologize to anyone when they don’t want to hug or cuddle.
👉 Bonus — if you’re looking for some other books to help you have the consent talk with younger kids, check these out.
3. Model a healthy relationship
Our final piece of advice doesn’t include talking to your kid at all.
Studies show that kids who grow up with parents who model healthy relationships end up in healthy relationships themselves.
Heck, some say that the best way to help your kid in this area is to love your partner more than you love your kid.
It makes a lot of sense.
“Your kid might not always listen to what you say, but they will probably see what you do,” says Dr. Jenna Glover, a child psychologist.
“Showcasing open and warm communication, honesty, balance, and other characteristics you value will go further than simply telling your child these things are important.
And when your kids have questions about your relationship, be ready to answer them honestly.”
Beyond the obvious chat about the birds and the bees, having a “love talk” with your kid is bound to be tricky. Lean on experts and people you trust.
Godspeed. 🫶